new routines...

it's been since the end of july that i posted.

now that i'm home (and have been since august 25) i can say with conviction that my life is completely different. and yet, at the same time, strangely unchanged.

i gave living with my family a try for about two weeks... commuting half an hour each morning to get to school and needing to keep their van well into the evening each day wasn't going to cut it once my brother started eighth grade and they would need the transportation just as much as i. i quickly decided that another living arrangement should be found. happily enough, i had a few to choose from, and i decided on the easiest, most pleasant and (definitely) cheapest- in short, i now can add "live-in" to my nanny description.

i've been staying on the third floor here at "work" for a few weeks now, and i have been thoroughly enjoying it. in addition to a very spacious and furnished room (embellished with all my various ephemera) i have sole access to a full bathroom, a workout room (you all know how often i use that, right?) and a tv with cable. i have a tiny fridge plugged in, and room for all my essentials- art supplies, sewing machine, shelves full of books. i couldn't ask for anything better. in fact, i think this is my favorite living situation thus far! well, aside from living in my friend's second story flat with the boy- i worked quite hard to make that place a home. but now the boy lives in a bedroom at another friend's house, and i live here.

because we're broken up. and have yet to see and speak with one another face to face. it's been over four months now. we talk occasionally through IM or text, but mostly we ignore? avoid? one another. it's best we rip off the band-aid, as our town is very small and we're bound to come across one another soon enough. in fact, he mentioned seeing me at the grocery store the other day but obviously that wasn't the best place for our first meeting in nearly half a year. but my schedule has been so full there hasn't been any time at all.

school takes up a great deal of my time and energy, which i love. i am so happy about being a student, and even happier that it is nearly over. i should (finally!) have my bachelors degree in may.

as for the scot, things are... well, very very muddy. the trip back to london in august didn't go quite as i'd have liked. no, that's an understatement. it was kind of a mess. but somehow i find still myself completely infatuated with him, even knowing how severe his issues are. we still email, talk on the phone... and i fully intend to buy a plane ticket to london this christmas break- he promised to take me to scotland and i want to hold him to his promise- i want to go to edinburgh for new year! but we'll see. he doesn't seem keen on the idea. oh well, he promised. plus, if it's really horrible, i can always go stay with the boy we crashed with the first time around- we've been keeping in touch as well.

being single has been really nice, so far. i do get lonely sometimes, and i certainly do find myself missing the boy. but i remind myself how toxic that relationship was in many ways and it's easier not to pine. it helps that there is someone who seems interested in me, someone i was interested in as well, even before i left. we've been spending a bit of time together, so far about an evening a week or so. i don't want it to develop into anything serious, as i've spend a third of my life in a relationship and truly need some "me time". but i don't want to stop hanging out with him, either. it's been really nice to rediscover my friends, to be able to concentrate whatever time i feel is necessary on school work, to play my guitar... all without feeling guilty that i am neglecting someone else's needs.

so lately my routine has been- school at daytime, watching my kids in the afternoon, going out and doing something with a friend, babysitting another family, or staying in and doing schoolwork at evenings, then having a snack of greek yogurt and settling in to watch peep show on youtube while falling asleep. it's certainly nothing incredibly exciting, but at the same time, it's quite comforting and nice.